New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
His hands were made for my vagina.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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