Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
