But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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