her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
