at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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