Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
