I accidentally burped into my bong.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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