I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
