She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize