I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
