I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
