I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
