I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
