Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
