Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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