how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
