Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
tell me about the eggs
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
