i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
