hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
