Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
