So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
