it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
