During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
