great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
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