You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
