I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
