TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
