Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I need a beard to bite.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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