So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
We need to feng shui this bitch.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
