Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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