We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
