She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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