I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
