I don't usually arrange sex via text message
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
