either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
