mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
