so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
My feet surprised me
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