I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
