I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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