he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
