So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i think i have herpe
just one?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
