O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
