Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
