Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
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