the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
