your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
