i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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