You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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