I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
