Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
