I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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