On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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