we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
