i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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