Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize