My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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