chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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