When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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