you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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