soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
