elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
i need some magic done to my vagina
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
