wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
