i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
