The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
