I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
