i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
