i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
