Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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