he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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