new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize