I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
