is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
