apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
