Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize