my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
