I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
