you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
