So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
