im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
