It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
