I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
My hand turned me down
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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