She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize