As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
