It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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