anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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