my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
