God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
