If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
