My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize