Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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