As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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