Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Randomize