Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
