1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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