I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
