So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
