Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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