im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
