Having a random hookup so left but love u
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
