the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
